See Without Seeing

Every moment I fight 

To stop myself from going there

I can see through this

I can feel you

feel myself

trying to resist 

Knowing that I can't

Everything I am doing 

pushes me further away from you

But you are still there 

and I am still here

Locked in this delusion

inside my mind

A storm of such magnitude 

Surely this must be a crime 

Why can't I let you go

Why can't I let this be

It challenges my sanity 

Were we never meant to be?

And here I am once again

writing words from my soul

Knowing it'll never amount to anything 

or do any good 

You are still just as far away from me

as you ever were before 

I know it's hopeless 

but my heart keeps flying there 

unexpectedly, over and over

It just won't let this be

I always say the wrong things

Interpretations lost in the story

Feeling awkward, so fucking rough

One thing I promise you though

I'm not trying to play a game

I can never find the right thing to say

Even as I express my hurt and pain

my heart never changes

Always coming back to you

Sometimes the words aren't enough

Impulsivity gets the better of me

Saying things to hurt 

knowing they'll be taken personally 

But I say them in the moment 

regret comes later 

I just can't understand 

as two grown adults 

why we can't speak normally 

There's too much lost 

hyperbole taken literally 

My intent is not to hurt 

it's to make you understand 

This bizarre back and forth

is not working for me 

Please can we find a way 

to talk this over rationally 

Let emotional fog fall away

Get to the root of this obsession

that stands in the way 

of honesty

Image Credit: Cherie Jones | Ullswater, England, 2018